He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
