It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
