I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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