I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
barbara walters just said penis...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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