a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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