I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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