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in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
