i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize