I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
