Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
