i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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