I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
