Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
