i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
