Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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