Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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