if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
