i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
