office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
