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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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