Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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