i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
