I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i dont even know how to be here
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This show inspires me to have sex in space
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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