I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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