just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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