Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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