Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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