so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
