He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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