Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
