I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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