Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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