So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
