Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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