Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
