I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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