I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
