omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize