Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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