ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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