he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
