So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i out mim tonsoeep
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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