How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
