So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
