I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize