Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
