Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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