Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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