I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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