She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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