Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
