Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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