How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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