Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize