He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There r osticjed everywhere
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
