Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.