this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Use "feeling words"
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"