just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
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