Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.