Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.

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  (661): if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies. http://tfl.nu/xdyr
  Replies (27) Good night (735) Bad night (5550)
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  (631): View more from New York

  we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.

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  (631): we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die. http://tfl.nu/91t8
  Replies (23) Good night (575) Bad night (3838)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

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  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (101) Good night (30939) Bad night (4899)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.

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  (267): Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go. http://tfl.nu/5urf
  Replies (26) Good night (1638) Bad night (3838)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.

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  (913): I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like. http://tfl.nu/zoxi
  Replies (18) Good night (928) Bad night (5168)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

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  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (1099) Bad night (3665)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies

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  (703): apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies http://tfl.nu/vhuy
  Replies (77) Good night (1399) Bad night (6757)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.

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  (937): i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage. http://tfl.nu/bqw6
  Replies (22) Good night (1869) Bad night (8520)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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  (732): It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes. http://tfl.nu/jz1i
  Replies (11) Good night (881) Bad night (2841)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.

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  (360): My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals. http://tfl.nu/t5jb
  Replies (19) Good night (3834) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.

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  (610): 90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you. http://tfl.nu/qiqv
  Replies (6) Good night (2004) Bad night (572)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.

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  (319): Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party. http://tfl.nu/bbcz
  Replies (11) Good night (1429) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

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  (301): Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level. http://tfl.nu/wvpb
  Replies (3) Good night (1031) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..

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  (401): He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together.. http://tfl.nu/x2kk
  Replies (3) Good night (1604) Bad night (633)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin

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  (914): I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin http://tfl.nu/vobt
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (234)

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