I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security