if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dating After Heartbreak
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME