just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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