hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
