I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He felt like a one man threesome
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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