i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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