Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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