I CAN MOONWALK!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
