There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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