Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
