he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
