had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
