Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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