how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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