please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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