he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize