i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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