He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
