We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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