fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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